Jesus is watching you

In the dead of night, a man broke into a random house, upon getting to the living room and starting to fill his bag up he heard a small voice, at first he thought it was the wind as it didn’t sound human but there it was again, “Jesus is watching you” in a croaky tone, he looked around and saw nothing, continuing to fill up his bag he heard it again, this time a little louder, “Jesus is watching you, this time the man was convinced he looked around and finally saw the parrot in the corner, he said ahh you must be Jesus,… No, the parrot replied I’m Moses, who is Jesus then said the man, the parrot replied our german shepherd.


Q: What’s the greatest thing about Switzerland?
A: I Don’t know, but the flags a big plus!


Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef!

The Phone Book

I asked my daughter to pass me the phone book, she laughed at me, called me a dinosaur and handed me her iPhone.

Update, the spider is dead, the phone is smashed and my daughter is furious.!


My wife said she had got a cut on her hand from the broomstick.

I said to try using the car next time, it didn’t go down well.

The government

The govt banned idling cars outside schools.

It was a great day for the environment but the ice cream man was furious


Dog’s cant use an MRI machine,

But Catscan…

Apple Store

Q: Why can you fart in an apple store?

A: Because there is no windows!